Whether we like it or not, we’re always getting older. If you are entering your mid-life phase or retirement stage of life, it can come with additional concerns, like physical and mental decline. These shifts in our minds and bodies can lead to anxiety, so it’s important that we learn how to accept reality and manage our anxiety around aging so you can enjoy life, whatever phase you’re in.
Why Anxiety Might Increase as We Age
Whether you are entering middle-age or retirement stage, it is often associated with life transitions happening during that time. You may experience general existential concern surrounding decline in physical mobility, inability to recover quickly from physical injury or illness, or even diminishing cognitive functioning. During these life transitions, we often get caught up in the rigidity of routines, seeking familiarity and comfort. We become less flexible and more afraid of making changes. As we age, we need more things – medication, eyeglasses, mobility aids, etc., making it more difficult to adjust to something new, so we stick to comfort. For example, when you are young, you might seek out travel for the excitement and adventure. You don’t necessarily have to pack as much, are more willing to take risks, and can deal with unfamiliar situations easier. When we get older, we’re more likely to seek out travel that’s comfortable, easy, and relaxing – going to places where they speak the same language, staying in more restful places, and choosing familiarity and ease over excitement. Complicated travel plans can feel more overwhelming as we age because of the decline in cognitive flexibility.
As we grow older, so do the people around us. They are moving into different life phases and their priorities shift. When people start having families or have more demanding careers, they have less flexibility in their schedule, which means you and your relationships are affected. We also experience more death and loss as we age. We have to figure out how to deal with family dynamics and relationships changing, and we are faced with our own mortality.
A lot of changes take place as we age, and even if we have established our lives and have “settled”, these changes are inevitable and can lead to anxiety.
How to Manage Anxiety around Aging
1. Self-Reflect
As you are transitioning into a new phase of life, take the time to reevaluate your life. Reflect on the past, where you are now, and how you got here. Ask yourself:
What are your current priorities and needs and how has that changed over the years?
In general, are you satisfied with your life?
What areas of your life are you dissatisfied with?
Is there a significant desire to make change and start a new chapter?
Realizing you want to make changes in your life can also lead to anxiety. It can be scary to make big changes, but living a life that doesn’t honor your values and priorities and isn’t genuine can also lead to anxiety.
2. Don’t Compare Yourself with Others
When you compare yourself to your peers, especially when it comes to things like job title, salary, and where you live, it can heighten your anxiety and decrease your sense of self-worth. If you find yourself thinking you’re not good enough because you are comparing yourself to someone in the same phase of life, take a moment to reflect on your priorities and values. What do you have enough of? What are you satisfied with? What realistic changes can you make to achieve your goals that align with your priorities?
3. Don’t Seek Perfection
As we age, we often compare our current self to a younger version of ourselves and what we used to be capable of – physical abilities, memory, cognitive flexibility, etc. Those will all change over time, so instead of focusing on what you used to be able to do, focus on what you are currently capable of. Maybe you can’t run a marathon anymore, but can you do a 5k? Can you still maintain some sort of running or cardio routine? Can you incorporate some of the things you once loved in a different way? Adjust your activities in a way that fits into your current life. What can you do to mitigate the changes (that are in your control) happening to your body and mind?
4. Look at Gains Rather than Losses
While you adjust to new limitations (loss of stamina and physical and mental abilities), focus on the gains as you age. We tend to become less reckless or careless (that’s a good thing!), have a deeper relationship with ourselves, and have a better understanding of what’s important. Aging brings wisdom, knowledge, and self-confidence – knowing who you are and having a strong sense of self. Use this self-awareness as you enter a new chapter in life to focus on how far you’ve come and what you need right now. These are all gains that only come with age, experience, and wisdom.
5. Practice Acceptance
We are all aging whether we like it or not. Don’t fight your body or mind. Practice acceptance and mindfulness: “I am 20 years older than where I was when I could do xyz. This is what I am currently capable of.” Accept your limitations, current abilities, and current priorities and values (that are always shifting as we age and experience new things). Practicing mindfulness can help you accept reality and be present so you can keep moving forward rather than looking to the past.
6. Practice Gratitude
You may not do what you used to do, but you can practice being grateful for what you can do right now. Don’t be mad at your body, be grateful for what it can currently do for you. Letting go of expectations and rigid standards will help you enjoy what you’re able to do during this phase of life. The exercise you can do gives you energy and is invigorating, even if it’s not what you were once able to do in your 20s. Honor your body and mind by reading your bodily cues. Listen to your body, respect your body, and age more gracefully. When you push yourself too much, you can hurt yourself, which then can hurt your self-esteem. Accept what is in your control and that will lead to a healthier state of mind.
7. Separate Your Identity from Your Career
Many people view their career as their identity, but when there is a shift in your phase of life, for example you want a career change or you are retiring, it can feel like you are also losing your sense of self. Your career isn’t your identity – there’s a lot more to who you are. Retirement isn’t a loss – it offers more freedom and flexibility to pursue your passions. Rather than thinking about retirement, feeling static in your career, or starting a new career path as a loss, shift your perspective to thinking about it as evolving. Adjustments and change don’t mean negative or bad things. It just means different, and different is a good thing. Stagnant is not good (even though you can’t force things to not change – you and everything around you is always changing!). Evolving is a good thing.
8. Focus on How You Feel Rather than How You Look
One of the joys of getting older is having healthier self-esteem and self-confidence. When we’re young, we tend to care more about how we look, rather than how we feel. But now either as middle-aged or retirement-age, reflect on how you feel. We’re not going to have perfect bodies forever, so we can care more about how we feel knowing that we are declining as we age. Cherish your abilities and your body as it is right now. Appreciate what you have and don’t fight against what you need. Do you get tired after walking a mile? Dedicate time to resting and feeling better. Do you have a cold that won’t go away? Don’t try to force yourself to get better – nourish your body so you can recuperate. Let go of that need for control and of comparing your body to your younger self. When you can shift your mindset to one of acceptance and focusing on how you feel, it’s freeing! It’s less of a battle and more understanding, self-compassionate, and mindful. It eliminates the suffering of feeling bad about your body.
9. Cherish the People Around You
There are more losses and deaths surrounding you as you age, so it’s important to cherish the relationships that currently exist. Prioritize the people you care about and make time for them. Feel proud of where you are in your life and share your wisdom with those who don’t have the self-assurance you have. Be open and genuine with others with how you are feeling, which can help reduce anxiety.
You Deserve Relief from Anxiety at Any Age!
If you are struggling with entering middle-age or retirement age, or with any life transitions, therapy can help you manage your anxiety and find inner peace. Dr. Violante provides teletherapy (online video therapy) to adults living in Florida and New York, as well as all PsyPact enrolled states (listed below). Contact her online or call (754) 333-1484 to request a HIPAA compliant online therapy session.
Offering Online Therapy in 42 States
I am a licensed psychologist in the states of Florida and New York. Additionally, I have Authority to Practice Interjurisdictional Telepsychology (APIT) from the PSYPACT Commission. I provide telehealth (online video therapy) to adults living in the 42 participating PSYPACT states listed below. For a list of current PSYPACT participating states, please visit the PSYPACT website at: https://www.psypact.org/psypactmap.
PsyPact enrolled states:
Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming