Have you been trying to help a loved one break a drug addiction, but find yourself frustrated and exhausted? Is your life starting to feel out of control? Unfortunately it is all too common that when people are struggling to help their loved one get back on track, it leaves little or no time for self care. These tips will help you stop enabling your loved one and start putting yourself first.
- Don’t try to rescue or fix them. There is only so much you can do to support a loved one with a drug addiction. If you try to fix them, you’ll end up spending all of your time focused on their needs and not your own. While it may feel like you are abandoning them if you back off, they have to be the one to take control of their own life.
- Let them hit rock bottom. Allow them to make their own choices, even if it’s not what you consider to be the “right” choice. Also, not everyone’s rock bottom is the same. For example, prison may be your rock bottom, but it might not be your loved one’s. It’s important that your loved one is allowed to choose their own path, because it will have to be their decision to get the help they need to recover.
- Don’t make excuses for them. If you lie and cover for their mistakes, they’ll keep making the same mistakes over and over again and you’ll find yourself having to lie repeatedly. Let them take responsibility and ownership for their behavior. You’ll end up feeling better about yourself for not having to lie and can celebrate when they decide to get the help they need.
- Don’t make empty threats. Set clear boundaries from the very beginning and stick to them. If you don’t follow through, they will take advantage of you and keep crossing those lines. If you like, use a 3-strike system (but be sure they are aware of this), and after they’ve struck out for the third time, stick to the rules you’ve put in place. This will help you be able to live your own life and not be caught up in theirs.
- You can’t force them to change. Your loved one will have to decide to make positive changes for themselves. If you keep pushing and trying to get them to change, you’ll be the one who is disappointed and feels the most pain. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t encourage them to get help, but don’t blame yourself or hold yourself responsible for their behavior.
Remember that it is OK to put yourself first. You may feel guilty for allowing your loved one to make bad decisions or hit rock bottom, but knowing that you can’t force them to change, it is important that you focus on self care and getting the help you need to cope. Serenity Lane Psychological Services offers therapy to those struggling with drug addiction, as well as their loved ones who are in need of support and guidance.