How to Figure Out Your Priorities and Values

Now that summer is over and schedules get more hectic, it’s important to reflect on your values and priorities and what matters most to you. It’s common for people to not prioritize their own life and needs, especially parents with kids back to school. Do you feel like you are a people pleaser, putting others’ needs ahead of your own? When you solely focus on others, your needs go unmet and are put on the back burner.

Reflect on the changing seasons and the transitions of your life. Have there been recent transitions, or are you entering a new phase of life? Maybe it’s the new school year, a new job, retirement, middle age, or entering young adulthood. These micro or macro transitions can shift values and priorities, so it’s important to reflect on that and look inward to help you live the life you want in this moment.

This tool is designed to help you figure out what is important to you (not what others, your family, or society wants for you) and how to create the life you want. Take time to reflect on what is really important, then nurture those values and priorities. If you find it difficult to prioritize your needs and set healthy boundaries, check out this blog post.

(Feel free to print and fill out using this PDF version. It can be a helpful tool to discuss with your therapist.)

1. Reflecting on Your Life

What do you notice and how do you feel about:

Your schedule and routine?

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Your personal and social life?

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Your work life and career?

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What is truly important to you?

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Who do you want in your life?

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2. What Changes Can Improve Your Lifestyle?

How can you improve your lifestyle when it comes to your:

Personal/home life:

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Social life:

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Work life:

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Family:

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Health:

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Travel:

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3. What are your values?

Values are beliefs or standards of behavior you hold true and consider important in life, such as compassion, honesty, loyalty, curiosity, etc.

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4. Set Boundaries in Order to Nurture Your Values

What are specific things you can do to nurture each of the values you listed above?

Value 1: _________________________________________________________

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Value 2: _________________________________________________________

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Value 3: _________________________________________________________

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Value 4: _________________________________________________________

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Value 5: _________________________________________________________

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For example, if curiosity is if one of your values, then making time to take try new hobbies or activities could be a boundary. Be specific, such as “take an online course on a subject new to me twice a year”. But remember to be flexible and that you don’t have complete control over every aspect of your life. Find a balance and allow for some flexibility and spontaneity.

5. Point of Decision Making

Rank what is most important and what are things you can live without:

Things you must have:

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Things that are flexible or can be tweaked:

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Things you are OK letting go of:

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For example, if spending more time with your family is the most important thing to you and your current job is too demanding, can you find another job? Can you talk to your boss and work from home (either full-time or part-time)? If travel is important to you, how can you make those trips a reality? Are time or finances a constraint? Where can you make changes and sacrifices to achieve your highest priorities? Your answers will determine what falls where on this.

6. Who do you need to talk to?

It’s important to express your needs, values, priorities, and boundaries to the appropriate person or people. This could be your friends, family, boss, etc. Would it be helpful to talk to a therapist to figure out your values and priorities? Sometimes it’s not always clear what you need or want, so a therapist can help you work through it.

Make a plan to have a conversation with the appropriate person (for example, if you are married and want to quit your job, it would be good to discuss this with your spouse). If you need to schedule a time, do it. It is important to speak up so you can have your needs met and live the life YOU want.

1. What You Need/What You’re Asking For: ___________________________________

Priority level:

o Must have

o Can be flexible

o OK with letting go of

Who You Need to Talk To: ________________________________________________

2. What You Need/What You’re Asking For: ___________________________________

Priority level:

o Must have

o Can be flexible

o OK with letting go of

Who You Need to Talk To: ________________________________________________

3. What You Need/What You’re Asking For: ___________________________________

Priority level:

o Must have

o Can be flexible

o OK with letting go of

Who You Need to Talk To: ________________________________________________

7. One Month Check-In

How did it go with setting boundaries? Making or keeping changes?

Notice your feelings. Do you feel resentful or guilty? Have you been feeling more content or fulfilled? Reflect on the last month and write down some feelings that come to mind regarding your lifestyle and if it aligns with your values:

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What worked?

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Have your priorities and values shifted? Did you previously think something was a must but have since learned that you can let it go?

Have others been receptive to your needs and changes? If not, here are some questions you can ask yourself:

Will you consider changing your approach to talking to them, modifying your boundaries, or adjusting your lifestyle?
Will you instead focus on your own needs?
Have you been clear in stating your needs, values, and priorities?
Is more effective communication needed? If you are afraid of expressing yourself fearing it will lead to confrontation, check out this past blog post on how to be assertive without being confrontational.

If you have done all you can to express what you need in an effective manner, remember that you are not responsible for how others react or their emotions.

If you need more support when it comes to figuring out your values and priorities so you can live the life you want, Dr. Violante provides teletherapy (online video therapy) to adults living in Florida and New York, as well as all PsyPact enrolled states (listed below). Contact her online or call (754) 333-1484 to request a HIPAA compliant online therapy session.

Offering Online Therapy in 42 States

I am a licensed psychologist in the states of Florida and New York. Additionally, I have Authority to Practice Interjurisdictional Telepsychology (APIT) from the PSYPACT Commission. I provide telehealth (online video therapy) to adults living in the 42 participating PSYPACT states listed below. For a list of current PSYPACT participating states, please visit the PSYPACT website at: https://www.psypact.org/psypactmap.

PsyPact enrolled states:
Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming